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This Tastes Like Bass
by Jason Donnelly
Editors Note: This article is a fictional humorous piece describing the possible pitfalls of going to the extreme. The author is a dedicated "normal" fisherman, just like all the rest of us "normal" fishermen.

'ts funny how time catches up with you. One day you're sitting in you're first grade class dreaming of the opening day of trout season and the next you're at work studiously perusing the latest bass reports on

Yeah, time does go by quickly. As the years have passed I've graduated from farm pond, morning sunfish, to brutish, night stalking linesiders off of a dangerous jetty.

I don't really understand my fascination with these beasts. It's almost as if they hold some sort of mystical power over my personae. I've been known to forego work, food, sleep and love for these slimy little monsters.

As of late the attraction has grown even stronger. What used to be fishing marathons, have now turned into triathlons. I've begun to fish in a series of days. I'll start on a Friday night and fish clean through until sunset on Sunday. My only breaks are for food and maybe a little water. I'm starting to scare myself! It’s like those people you hear of compulsively banging their heads against the wall only I'm banging mine against the jetty.

Sleep, however, is good when I allow it. Even though it's often full of dark, damp nightmares. You know those kind that consist of a howling Nor’easter, a slippery jetty and monster bass inhaling plugs on every cast. Sounds good right. Only problem is that just as I hook and lose the first beast the alarm on my watch goes off warning me that I've only got five minutes before the whistle blows and the work day starts.

As far as my love life goes forget it! I'm no good in anymore. Then there's the food thing. I used to enjoy eating but now my taste buds are stuck. I could be eating filet mignon or the like. But somehow or other it tastes like bass. Everything tastes like bass. Cheese steaks, pizza, stromboli, all the things I used to enjoy now taste like bass. Don't get me wrong I enjoy striper, but for heavens sake I would like to taste the greasy cheese steaks I've been eating before I die of a heart attack fighting a p.o.'d rockfish.

Life sure was easier before I started "working." I think that’s what they call it anyway. I think a better term would be dreaming. I've tried to be a good employee. At first I would show up on time, complete my projects in an orderly and timely fashion. But those days have fallen by the wayside. I was recently written up for absenteeism and they are talking about taking the "net" off my computer. God forbid! I might jump out the window if I can't at least glance at the reports 10 or 15 times a day.

Yeah, life sure is turning into one giant conflict. I gotta work to fish and if I gotta work to fish then how the hell am I gonna fish if I'm at work?

It’s as if I've become a drug addict, 80% of the money I make goes towards my compulsion. I can't pass by a tackle store without stopping and when I go in I have to spend some bucks, invariably more then I can afford. I mean, I got so many Bombers I don't know what to do with them. Sometimes I wish I'd lose a couple so that I might open some of the fresh ones. As far as rods go you don't want to know, there are quite a few that haven’t even seen the water.

The other day my friend and fellow angler asked me what the deal was. He said, "You're girlfriend left you, you lost twenty pounds, you haven’t slept in almost three months, work is looking to get rid of you and you're rent is almost two months overdue.

I smiled and said. "I don't know, I guess I'll go fishing tonight and try to work it all out."

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